He's stubborn like an OX!
An Friggin Oxy-MORON that is
He won’t take out the trash, he maintains that he’s right even though he himself knows he’s wrong – like not asking for directions when he’s definitely lost, and he refuses to acknowledge your perspective in an argument about how to spend the weekend. Finally, you conclude that he’s stubborn like an Ox. Congratulations, now it’s time to act and get him to change his ways. Below are three key strategies to get him to dance on the palm of your hand, or at least an opportunity to whip him into shape.
The Heart of the Matter – Often, when we are in arguing mode we forget to think about the underlying reasons for our actions. It is usually very easy to start arguing for the sake of arguing, but remember, take a step back. You’re angry and disgruntled, why? Whatever the reason is, make sure that it is substantial! For instance, if you’re mad that he didn’t put the toilet seat down for the umpteenth time, don’t just yell at him about the toilet seat, but let him know that you feel that he just doesn’t respect you enough to listen. Instead of arguing over an object you are now arguing over a critical pillar in any relationship – respect. By emphasizing a principal, rather than an object, you have reached the heart of an argument. So, don’t argue over material things, instead argue out of principles, morality, or your feelings.
Understand Roadblocks – On top of knowing the underlying issue of a problem, as it relates to you and your partner, it is important to see the obstacles in front of him. Is there a reason why he won’t throw his socks in the hamper after taking them off? What if he doesn’t spend enough time with you after work? Sometimes there are reasons for his behavior and it is important to understand the give and take perspective. First you should always ask, “Is this something he can easily change?” There are times that it can be, such as putting socks in the laundry bin. But then there are other things, such as quality time. It is critical in this example that you consider, not what you think is possible for him, but how busy “he” thinks he is. If your hubby is a lawyer, there is no doubt that his career will eat his time, and it is important to understand that and determine a time that it will just be you and him exclusively. On the flip side, if your man lounges around all day while you go to work, then he’s got another thing coming. By properly looking at his perspective, you can gain some insight and can prepare the best method of attacking his stubbornness.
Proper Communication is Key – Now that you know the heart of a problem and potential roadblocks, it is time to get some pointers on the execution.
1. Keep the heart of a problem and roadblocks in mind. These will be your main weapons in a fight.
2. When it comes to the approach, do it when you both are alone and preferably when tensions are the lowest. Arguing when he’s already angry, just doesn’t work.
3. Do not bring things up that do not relate to the problem. If you’re arguing about spending quality time, do not argue that he doesn’t wash the cars or take out the trash. It makes your position look unreasonable and unfocused and leads to unnecessary tension.
4. Listen to what he has to say. If he has a response to your problem, check to see if it’s reasonable and see if there is something you both can do better.
5. Work on a compromise. After understanding the problem on both sides, propose a solution to fix it and work from there.
In Conclusion: He may be stubborn, but with the above approach, you should be better equipped to handle his stubbornness and get him to do what you need done.