Tips for arguing with friends
No doubt you’re looking for an easy fix or a solid solution to your problem with your friend(s). Unfortunately with the topic of friendship, it can very difficult. The mere nature of friendship is ambiguous and cannot be universally defined for each person. Every person has a different relationship with each of their friends whether they are aware of it or not. And likewise, they have a different one for you than their other friends.
So what to do when there’s no clear cut way? Although there is no definite answer, if you follow these tips and tricks, you may find yourself in less of a dilly of a pickle. Keep in mind that these are just tips. For further explanation of more specific circumstances, please check out more of our links here.
Why can’t we all just get along?
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings
Just like husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends, and brothers and sisters, friends will fight too. Because let’s face it, if you met someone exactly like you in every way, you’d be pretty bored. Differences amongst us make us interesting and unique, and that’s what draws us to one another. And because of those differences, we also have conflicts. Just because you fight with your friends doesn’t mean that your friendship isn’t valid. It’s not necessarily the topic of your argument that is of true importance but rather, how each party will handle the argument and how it will strengthen your relationships.
Dinner rules apply here too
You know those things you shouldn’t talk about while eating: politics and religion? Yah, those apply here too though not as strict. You can argue with your friends over such topics, but be warned that every person feels very strongly over each of these issues. Convincing your friends that your political party is the most progressive may be a little more difficult than goading them into chugging one more beer or asking them to get a phone number for you from the cute guy at the club. Just keep in mind that they probably feel just as strongly as you do about their affiliations.
Leave the fisticuffs at home
As a friend, you have one more weapon in your arsenal that puts you a step ahead against your friends than if you were up against a complete stranger. History. Vice-versa, your friends will also wield this powerful tool in their belts. As a friend, you know every idiotic, moronic, shameful, saddening thing that has happened to them. This gives you the ability to really strike that low-blow that will tug at their inner heart-strings and even drive them past the brink of rage. Stay away from doing any such thing as much as possible no matter how infuriated you are with them! It doesn’t help the argument any and will throw a wrench into any possibility of having a rational conversation.
Be a Listener
Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth or the only truth.
-- Charles Anderson Dana
Don’t be a one-sided arguer. Pay attention and respond intelligently. Merely retorting afterwards with smart-aleck remarks or making arguments that aren’t relevant to the conversation will just be a waste of breath, save to infuriate your friend. Don’t dismiss their ideas and be sure to acknowledge that they have some intelligence in their argument as well. And be sure to look at things from their perspective as well. You may gain some clarity on your position as well.
In a nutshell
Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
– Marcus Aelius Aurelius
The main point is to just respect your friend. Most likely, if they’re a good friend, they will also respect you, and both of you will hopefully come to an agreeable compromise. If not and if the topic is menial, then perhaps a good choice is to agree to disagree. And if the topic is severe that cannot be easily resolved, perhaps a rethinking of the friendship is in order. But make sure that you exhaust every possible option first before dismissing you and your friend’s relationship. Once you burn that bridge, the road back is a difficult one. The sooner you alleviate the situation, the easier it will be to resolve. In the end, the person most willing to respect the other will be the true winner.